


Just Another Step

by Littlemisswriting



Series: Sanders sides soulmate au [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anorexia, Background Relationships, Bulimia, Burns, Character Death, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Malnutrition, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Abuse, Soulmates, Trauma, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-18 22:14:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22700683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlemisswriting/pseuds/Littlemisswriting
Summary: Soulmates, what a beautiful thing right? Well, this is Roman's experience with those elegant scribbles that everyone gets and how it affects his life. In the end, we all deserve love, don't we?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Sanders sides soulmate au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668169
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. Authors note - don't skip this

This is a serious note, please don't skip it for this story deals with sensitive topics and it isn't a happy story so if you're reading this for a happy story go elsewhere.

This story deals with issues such as:  
Abuse - psychological, sexual and physical  
Self-hate  
Implied rape  
Victim blaming  
Forced anorexia  
PTSD  
Depression  
Bulimia  
Death  
Night terrors  
And possibly more

If you are struggling with depression, anorexia, bulimia or could possibly become triggered by any of what has been listed then don't read this if you feel uncomfortable because you should always look after yourself.

I hope you all look after yourselves, you're all amazing and bring so much light to the world, keep being you because you are the only you out there and you are doing a hell of a good job of it and know that I appreciate you all so fucking much!

Until another author's note,  
Littlemisswriting x


	2. The blissful beginning?

This was the moment. Finally, he would get his soul mark and it’d reveal who he belonged to. Roman was the second oldest in his group of friends and he was sure he’d get it with his boyfriend’s name. Gosh, he could just imagine the gentle swirls of the name decorating his wrist. Roman closed his eyes as midnight passed and when he opened them his wrist had the name “Logan” on his wrist and his heart stopped. No, this has to be wrong, he wasn’t with Logan! Logan just lived with him and Patton every now and then as he went in between sleeping with the “dark” sides as Patton calls them but Roman knew Patton was wrong, his brother Remus was a part of that group and he wasn’t dark. Although he will never mention that to Patton, it’d be like signing his own death certificate… especially with how Patton teaches him lessons.

As much as Roman loved to think about his situation and how great it should have been, Roman had bigger fish to fry as he worried about what his boyfriend’s reaction would be. Patton had promised he would leave him till he got his mark and then he heard the timid knocking of his loveable and cute boyfriend as he walked in and ran to Roman as he saw him crying. Patton looked confused but quickly hugged him and whispered in his ear, “It isn’t me is it.” It wasn’t a question and Roman shivered slightly in fear but shook his head, “Oh well, I know you still belong to me slut-” Patton paused as he looked at the name, “Yeah, he wouldn’t want you, not even your brother talks to you you’re so annoying.” Patton let out a small chuckle and patted Roman on the head, “I would make food for you but… I mean, look at yourself, if you eat anymore you’ll pop!” Patton poked Roman’s stomach as he walked away, locking the room and leaving Roman hungry for the third day.

When the footsteps went away Roman sobbed quietly into a pillow and hugged himself as he felt his ribs through his princely attire. He couldn’t escape and he was fine with it, Patton was stopping everyone suffering from his attitude and boring conversations. He wasn’t even allowed to see Logan when he came over except for meals to act like everything was fine. Which it was in his eyes! Patton was helping him, rehabilitating him and once he is better Patton will let him out again. Roman smiled wistfully at that thought and then began remembered how things were when they were a family, all of them. It all changed when Deceit revealed he had Virgil’s name for his soul mark then Logan and Remus tried to fill a void from Virgil and Deceit being glued at the hip and they started a friends with benefits situation and around that time Patton and Roman were sure that they were to fall in love so that’s what they did.

Roman pulled himself up and sat at his vanity desk and went about covering the marks of last night and the bruise that threatened to make his eye swell. It was a talent that Roman came to love because when it all first started he remembers his brother asking about the hand mark on his throat and he shrugged it off claiming it was a quest but when Remus insinuated Patton was hurting him well… Roman shuddered at the memory and added an extra layer of makeup to avoid Patton disciplining him again. Once Roman’s makeup was done he smiled his award-winning smile and put on a cheery disposition as Patton walked in once more followed quickly by Logan.

“Roman, Logan insisted-” Patton began but Logan walked up to Roman and looked him in the eyes as he silently asked for permission to look and Roman was dumbfounded… What was he asking for? Roman deserved everything that came his way, “Logan, can’t you see you’re making him distressed?” Patton asked with an awkward chuckle at the end as Logan pulled the sleeve of Roman’s suit up to reveal the name on his wrist and hugged him  
“I thought I was right... I need to show you, someone, come on Roman,” Logan spoke as he gently dragged Roman out of the room he hadn’t left in… he couldn’t remember but he followed Logan blindly despite Patton’s objections.

They hadn’t been walking for a while but Roman was smiling at seeing the sun in the imagination but he was feeling tired so he gently tugged on Logan’s arm until he turned around to answer him, “Yes Roman? What seems to be the matter?” Logan looked concerned and Roman wasn’t sure if it was because he tugged on his sleeve or because Roman thinks he looks deathly pale and skeletal.

Nonetheless, Roman spoke in his hoarse voice hoping Logan wouldn’t question it, “C-can you carry me? I’m ever so tired and it’s highly ignoble of me to be asking this.” Roman attempted to break it with a chuckle but he ended up coughing but was surprised when Logan just swiped him up and carried him like Roman had done so many times before everything happened.

Roman curled into Logan and despite everything that had happened to him he felt safe listening to the steady beating of Logan’s heart so he felt his eyes droop and as much as he wished to stay awake he just couldn’t and hoped that he wouldn’t wake up to Logan being just a dream.

As Logan felt Roman fall asleep he reached the top of the hill that looked down on the castle that he’d introduce Roman to those he had forgotten a long, long time ago.


	3. The bittersweet truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Roman is in Logan's watch will he be safe? Or will he fall from his grasp into his tormentor's grasp once more?

Muffled voices filled Roman’s head as he felt himself lying on a soft quilted bed so he guessed it was a surprise to those in the room when he shot up like a dart and cowered into the opposite corner of the room. Roman didn’t cover his face, he learnt a long time ago that that made Patton angry and he would get an even more forceful demonstration of love. When he didn’t feel like he got hit he looked up and saw shocked expressions. He saw his brother and his brother’s friends and he saw Logan walk into the room.

When Logan walked in he had a look of confusion then when he looked at the situation his facial features morphed into ones of anger and Roman recognised that, he recognised it and tried to make himself smaller. Roman started panicking when he saw Logan storming over to him and just before Logan reached him he covered himself with his hands and whimpered knowing he had messed up and that Logan was surely going to be angrier.

Roman was shaking like a leaf and Logan halted in his tracks as he felt an icy hand on his shoulder and looked down to see Virgil standing to his left and he backed off as the small emo knelt before Roman and start talking in a low voice about breathing and to focus on what he could see. Virgil noticed what was happening before it got this bad but he was in shock that the lad he knew to pick him up and throw him around was now reduced to someone cowering in a corner just by being in a room with people in. 

Once Roman calmed down and he wiped the tears from his eyes he dared look up at Deceit, Remus and Logan but he was sure they were going to hurt him now more than ever and his breathing picked up until he heard Virgil’s stern command, “You three need to leave now.” It was a simple command but it seemed like everyone but Deceit was frozen because the scaled man waved goodbye to Virgil and left. Virgil seemed agitated that the others didn’t listen to him so the next time he spoke you could hear the anger curling in his voice as his tempest tongue broke free, “I said leave, get it through your thick skulls!” With that Remus and Logan, both scampered off leaving Virgil and Roman.

“Sorry if I was a bother,” Roman muttered giving up on hiding anything to Virgil

“A bother? No, what you’ve been going through all this time must’ve been a bother if it has changed you from the person I knew to who you are.” Virgil tried keeping his tempest tongue at bay but his mind was swarming with all the things that could have happened

Roman coughed trying to stop his throat from being hoarse, “I mean I know you don’t like using your tempest tongue so sorry that I was a bother.” 

Roman’s sentence fell upon deaf ears as Virgil tentatively took a step closer and pulled at Roman’s sleeve to show the cursive curse on his wrist, “So what he said was true,” Virgil chuckled, “I would have never thought you two would have gotten together you literally opposed each other all the time!” Virgil tried not to laugh at the memories

“Yeah well, you don’t have your name yet, who knows, yours might say Remus.” Roman teased as he stuck his tongue out at Virgil

“You- you have not changed one bit inside have you,” Virgil smiled, “Even if I don’t have Dee I’ll stay with him if he will have me, I am in love with him but well… I won’t tell him that.” 

Roman smiled at the change of subject and kept on jeering, “I can always help you with that emo nightmare!” 

“No! Definitely not!” Virgil shrieked as he slammed himself against the door to prevent anyone leaving or entering, “Can you answer one thing for me though?”

“Sure I guess.” Roman shrugged nonchalantly

“Why did you leave? Like… why did you cut all ties with us all?” Virgil looked at Roman and Roman froze on the spot… he couldn’t lie to Virgil!

“Uhm, well you see-” Roman began

“The truth Roman, I want the truth.” Virgil interrupted as he stepped away from the door

“Patton and I wanted to have a honeymoon period ok?” Roman argued, “We were in love and wanted some time away from you all! Not like you would know what love is!” Roman froze, where had that come from? He had no idea but he knew one thing, he hurt Virgil especially since the small emo had tears in his eyes; unshed but still there.

“Get out,” Virgil whispered as he stepped out of the way of the door

“Virgil wait… I didn’t mean to.” Roman protested

“I said get out! Get out and don’t come back!” Virgil yelled and Roman ran out of the room and into a person and when he looked at the person it was Patton, smiling as the day they first met.

“Oh, you poor thing! You’re shaking! Did those mean people raise their voice at you? Did they make you scared?” Patton enveloped Roman in a hug and Roman immediately reciprocated it as he tried not to cry, “I will deal with those mean people, don’t you worry my angel.” For once Patton smiled warmly at Roman and Roman loved it, every second of it as Patton then turned away to sternly tell the others that they would not be seeing Roman for a long time.

When Patton started walking away Roman followed blindly and only dared look back at Logan to see his heartbroken face as tears fell down his cheeks. Remus wasn’t any better since he was losing his brother all over again. Roman didn’t really think twice about how different the two environments were until Patton was looking down at him disappointed in the dark and bland room of Roman’s and Roman began to lose all of his hope.

“You’ve been very naughty my prince, running away from me with Logan, making me come and find you and disrupting their way of life so much that you made Virgil cry.” Patton reprimanded before his eyes light up with an idea, “Roman? Do you remember what you need to do when you have really messed up?” Roman nodded, “Good, do that my prince, I’ll rehabilitate you and then we can go back to our family! We won’t need to worry about you ruining everything.” 

Roman whimpered as he winced at the thought of what the night had in store for him as he faced away from his tormentor who had a smirk and a glint in his eyes that could rival one of a devil as he picked up Roman’s sword and checked the blade to ensure its sharpness.


	4. The incomplete ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Roman isn't so fortunate is he, well I wonder how he will react now....

Roman groaned as his eyes cracked open letting him view the dark room around him, Patton had beaten him and… Roman didn’t want to think about it. His eyes darted around the room to check his surroundings and ensure Patton was gone and he cried. He cried because every time he moved he was in pain and he hated how he felt like he was owned. Roman had no idea where the thought came from but then he looked back on all the events when Patton was like this and realised they were not in love. Maybe in the past when Patton would curl into him during movie night or how they would Eskimo kiss before sleeping but that hadn’t happened for a year now. 

Patton said he was fixing Roman but now that Roman thinks about it he was never broken, to begin with. Alas, Roman threw his chance of escape away didn’t he. He went with Patton, he walked away from his soulmate. His soulmate! Logan would help, he would know what to do there was no way Logan wouldn’t help him when he explained what was going on. Roman smiled at that thought and looked to his wrist for his face to morph into horror as he saw the blistering burn marring the skin on his feeble wrist. Roman shrieked and threw his shirt off to reveal all the marks Patton left on him and the jagged lines that wrote “Patton” over his heart.

Roman locked his door and sobbed. He mourned the loss of what could have been and he wanted to shed all the marks off of him. Roman scratched at the skin of his chest trying to remove the brand on his skin but it wouldn’t work. So Roman gave up and saw a full-length mirror in the corner of his room and knew he had to see how bad everything was.

As Roman stood up he felt a pain burn in his lower back and he had to run over to the bin to retch and gag as he realised what this meant. Patton had- no, he wouldn’t… would he? Roman’s head was spinning as he started panicking and he half crawled half dragged himself to his desk where his paper and pens were and he started writing up a storm, he couldn’t live like this anymore. 

He felt the tears drop from his face as his elegant swirls filled page upon page of writing with a few smudges from tears falling. Roman had no idea what possessed him to come to the decision he was about to commit to but there was no changing his unhinged thought process.

Roman sent the letters off and crawled over to his wardrobe. It once held his most extravagant dresses but now it just held disappointment and sorrow and Roman smiled down at all the marks for he was happy he would not have to fully explain what was to happen for it was self-explanatory in his own mind.

As Roman tied his bedsheets like a noose and wrapped his silk sash around his uninjured wrist while he looked down on himself and just resented everything it stood for. Yet he felt a warm feeling in his heart as if there was something out there for him. Oh yeah, his soulmate, Logan wouldn’t want him now anyway what’s the point? Roman stood on top of the stool on shaky legs and put his head through the loop in the noose. Roman’s head was having a battle with itself as he reasoned with himself if this was the right decision and it hit him like a sword to the side.

He needs to live for Logan, his brother, Virgil and Deceit. Even if they hate him now he needs to live to make them smile as they did and so that his brother would never have to cry like he did as Roman turned his back on him.

Just as Roman was about to step down he had a flashback of Patton standing in the bathroom with him as he forced fingers down Roman’s throat to cause him to gag and throw up all the food that Roman had eaten when Logan snuck food into his room. The flashback was so vivid that Roman staggered and the stool tipped and Roman found himself gasping and clawing at his neck as the bedsheets crushed his airways leaving him gaping like a fish out of water.

As Roman felt the pressure of blood build behind his eyes, pounding... and throbbing as he heard someone banging on his door and he finally let the tears fall from years of abuse and pain as he closed his eyes for the final time thinking about how he was finally free of the torment.


	5. A royal letter to a duke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Roman is gone what did he leave for his brother?

Dear Remus,  
I know I haven’t been much of a brother to you in recent years but I wish I had fixed it before well… if you read this then you know. I thought it would be obvious that Patton and I were destined for one another, you had Logan, Virgil had Dee and well I didn’t expect it to go the way it did. I am sorry if you are the one to find me in my room because from what I am seeing now it isn’t going to be pretty and although everyone sees you as this maniacal idiot yet I know you aren’t and I want you to confide in those close to you to deal with this. It’s a little weird that we never figured out who was older but I know we both remember the memories when we weren’t split so maybe we were co-existing in the early stages. 

As much as I love to reminisce I think I should tell you the truth, the truth about why this is happening. The first few months of Patton’s relationship with me we were happy! Like a romantic novel happy and that was great it really was but now that I think about it… it was like a honeymoon period. The first night he - abused me you could say - hit me I was confused but at the end with him whispering and crying saying I made him do it well it changed how I was thinking about everything. The next day was the day you asked me if he was being abusive and Patton found out, he found out that you asked me and I got treated worse. The only solution I saw to the situation was to remove myself so I stayed with Patton when you all moved into the castle and then… well I don’t know when it truly became abuse but now that I look back I know no one is to blame but myself.

It gets even worse when Logan’s name was scrawled on my wrist but it doesn’t matter now, you can’t see it anyways. I always wanted the best for you so when I saw it I cried… and I cried even harder when Patton saw it. I knew you were the one for Logan especially when I hurt you and you were hugged into him as I left with Patton. I don’t know what he told you but I guess it kept you guys away for long enough for me to get to this decision now.

It isn’t your fault, it isn’t Patton’s fault either, I needed fixed and Patton was doing it for me and I just couldn’t deal with it. I just want you to know that as your brother I love you and I always have and I will no matter if death separates me from you. 

I guess you can tell that I am going to ask a favour of you since I said all that sappy stuff. While I am gone I want you to look after everyone, I want you to make sure someone teases Virgil for being in love with Dee, I want someone to steal Dee’s hat like we did when we were kids and I want you to be there for Logan. You don’t have to do this of course but I’ve seen the way you look at Logan and I know you’ll make each other happy.

Now that I am coming to the end of this letter I realise that everything I want to tell you I can’t physically fit into this letter and this letter can’t do what I want to do. So know that every time you pick up your mace I’ll be there with you, every time you feel like you can’t continue a quest I’ll be picking you up and carrying you on my back and telling you of all the rewards that you’ll get and know that I hope I won’t see you for a long… long time. I don’t mean that in a malicious way but there is just so much I want you to do for everyone and I want you to live till your old and cranky.

I know it may be hard for some time but I know it will get better for you, you just need to have a little faith, trust and pixie dust! Don’t be an idiot and do what I would or wouldn’t do because I want you to do what Remus would do because there needs to be more people like you in the world. Actually I take that back, I wouldn’t be able to deal with anyone but the original.

Yours sincerely, Roman

PS/ When we meet again you’d best have been practising with that mace because I want to duel because we know I’ll win but I’ll give you this time to practice and get better.


	6. The rest of the letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is here, enjoy it while it lasts. If you want a sequel on how they deal with this then please leave a comment so I know you liked it.

Dear Deceit,  
As you can probably tell from the length of this letter, I don’t have much to say, I know that seems cruel or rude or whatever but I truly don’t have anything against you. Before Patton separated Remus and me, you were a great friend and you continued to be up until my final moments. I just need you to do one thing for me, look after Virgil for me. I don’t doubt you do but you know him - probably better than I do at this point - so you know how he can be sometimes, make him see that this wasn’t his fault and make sure he can love himself like how you surely love him.

I know I shouldn’t say this, I said I would take it to my grave as well but I want you to know that Virgil loves you. He really does, the last interaction I ever had with him confessing that even if it isn’t your name that appears upon his wrist he will still love you and will want to stay with you because you mean so much to him. So, in the end, do me a favour; don’t mess this up ok? You have something special.

Best of wishes, Roman

Dear Virgil,  
So, I know I always promised you’d never have to say goodbye to me. I know. This is no one’s fault but my own and I hope you can acknowledge that. Our last interaction did not influence my decision and you will always be the best friend I could have ever had… don’t tell Deceit that. Anyways, fly high dark and stormy knight, don’t let this event wear you down.

Kind regards, Roman

Dear Logan,  
We haven’t always seen eye to eye so I’ll make this brief. I wish I got to know you more but I won’t have that chance now. I hope you aren’t too hard on yourself and please look after Remus. I kinda expect you to grammar check this but that’s so typically you.

Don’t be emotionless, Roman


End file.
